Where Is That Child's Mother...?

From time to time I like to highlight the joy of a well raised child and the agony of grown folk in need of a little parental guidance.

I used to love me some Nelly until the infamous video, which shall remain unnamed to keep you all from crashing Google Video and YouTube looking for it. As much as I loved his little ditties, I would cringe when he sang, “It’s Getting Hot in Herre” and that simple child would respond, “Ah…am…getting…so...hot. I…will…take…my…clothes…off.”

I don’t believe in beating children, whuppin’ them, or using pain in any form as a teaching aid. But my fingers would start doing that “where’s my switch” twitch every time I heard it. I wanted to yell, “Child, where is your mother?” I’m sure I muttered it a couple of times. Then I came up with my own chorus. It went like this:

Can I get a beat? Okay, alright... Uh! Uh! Uh!

I can’t let you go nowhere
'Less you acting a fool
Trying to be cool
I didn’t raise you like that
You know better

Put your clothes back on
Get your butt on home
I didn’t raise you like that
You know better

Ah, that feels better.