Get Your Head From Under My Dress!

I came across this chilling disclosure while reading the section on medical records privacy in the CalPers "Health Program Guide" brochure:

Protective Services for the President and Others
We may disclose medical information about you to authorized federal or state officials so they may provide protection to the President, other authorized persons or foreign heads of state or conduct special investigations.

What I Want to Know Is:

• How will my pap smear results help protect the president?

• Who is this “other authorized person"?Does that include my ex-husband?

• And, can these “special investigations” find their way to YouTube?

Let me save y’all Homeland Security folk a little work:

Yes, Mr. President, I’ve found that Cymbalta is much more effective than Zoloft for treating depression.

However, for psychopathic, mass murders, nothing short of lobotomy seems to work.

Shhh!

I am writing this from a secure, protected, secret location.

Until now I’ve been afraid to contact any of my friends. Afraid of detection. Afraid one of them would find me and it would start all over.

I am in the Negro Kinfolk Protection Program. I have been given a new name and a new identity—I am now a former exotic dancer with a PhD in physics. I am safe. Some days I’m even happy. If you love me, do not try to find me. You may inadvertently lead them to me and I’ve had enough of kinfolk to last a lifetime.

From time to time, when I feel it is safe, I will send you a message. Wait. Be patient. And remember, Mother loves you.