Chittlin's and Chopsticks

Writer and mother, Terris McMahan Grimes, the Mother From Another Continent, an her friends share their slighty off kilter parenting views and their takes on a whole lot of other things.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Woman Gives Birth at Age 67

I Pity The Fool!

Parenting isn't easy when you're young. It's especially hard when you're old--heck'a old, as my 10-year-old would say.

You couldn't pay me to have a baby at my age and I'm relatively young compared to 67. I wouldn't do it even if that was the only way I would ever get grandchildren, which is what I think I heard my daughter mutter the other day.

But they're here now, my sixty-seven year old sister in arms, and I'm sure they are beautiful, just as all babies are. So love them with all your might.

Air Mom to Old Mom--Don't try any dunks.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Tyra Banks is Fat?

Y'all been hurting Tyra's feelings calling her fat--mine, too. 'Cause if Tyra's fat (in the negative, Eurocentric sense of the word) then what am I? ...Never mind.

Truth of the matter is, for the first time in her life Tyra is fine (in the positive Afrocentric sense of the word.) The child got herself some hips! And boobs--lets not forget the boobs.
Tyra has always been beautiful, and when she's 80 or 90 it's likely she'll still be beautiful. But "beautiful" is a word we black folk don't use to describe that rare woman who is a combination of striking good looks, womanly curves, a little brown sugar, and dab of butter.
The word we use is fine.
Rock on, Tyra!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Man tasers sweet little ole grandmother over spanking dispute

He must have been spanked as a kid--and tasered too!

How to Spank Your Child in a Loving and Nurturing Manner

Parental Obligation
It is a parent's right--no, it is the parent's duty to spank her child when she needs it. If more parents spanked their children the prisons wouldn't be as full as they are, homeless people wouldn't be sleeping on the streets, and cities wouldn't have problems with littering.

Discipline and Dictionary
There are those who will argue that spanking means hitting. Don't listen to them. If you lived your life by dictionaries and thesaures your child would go undisciplined. So Let them call it what they may--hit, bat, belt, cane, cuff, drub, lash, lick, pommell, thump, trounce, wallop, whale, or the African American special--whup. There are just as many definitions for brat. Besides, dictionaries and thesaures make excellent spanking tools--as long as they are abridged.

Switch to Switches
Now, where should a spanking be applied? When using small, immature tree limbs, or switches, one should aim for the legs. Should you prefer having your child disrobe for a spanking try to avoid striking her genitals or eyes.

Nothing But Buttocks
I prefer the buttocks for applying a good, resounding spanking, one the child is most likely to remember. The buttucks are also a bit more fleshy than the legs or head, and are therefore more likely to produce a clean, sharp, spanking sound when struck smartly.

Leather for Learning
You may want to consider using a leather belt for the most recalcitrant child. The sight of the belt may induce the child to flee dispite your repeated warnings not to. This reaction can be extinguished by counting each strike administered with the belt and applying double the amount for running.

When you must spank a child using a leather belt it is best to have your other children line up and watch. This can be a very effective deterrent.

Errogenous Zone
We must face the fact that the buttock area is an erogenous zone. So that there is no misunderstanding about gratification make sure to tell your child, "This hurts me more than you."

Extension Cords, Computer Cables, and Jump Ropes
I hesitate to recommend extension cords, computer cables, and jump ropes for spanking. They should be used in only the most extreme cases such as when you live in a deforested area and switches are unavailable, when you can not find your belt, or when the child you are attempting to spank is only a few weeks short of his majority.

And remember, whenever you spank your child do it with love and in a nurturing manner.

Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Child

1. Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves.

Extensive research data is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.

2. In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs.

Among these needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.

3. Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way.

As the educator John Holt wrote, "When we make a child afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns little about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.

4. The phrase “Spare the rod and spoil the child” is not from the Bible but from Samuel Butler's "Hudibras", a 17th Century satirical poem.

The poem, like his novel, The Way of All Flesh, was written to expose and denounce violence against children. While the “rod” is mentioned many times in the Bible, it is only in the Book of Proverbs that this word is used in connection with parenting. The book of Proverbs is attributed to Solomon, an extremely cruel man whose harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam, to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator who only narrowly escaped being stoned to death for his cruelty. In the Bible there is no support for harsh discipline outside of Solomon’s Proverbs. By contrast, the writings in the Gospels, the most important books in the Bible for Christians, contain the teachings of Jesus Christ, who urged mercy, forgiveness, humility, and non-violence. Jesus saw children as being close to God, and urged love, never punishment.3

5. Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us.

The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old enough to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently, bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.

6. Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children.

When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous actions against the child.

7. Anger and frustration which cannot be safely expressed by a child become stored inside; angry teenagers do not fall from the sky.

Anger that has been accumulating for many years can come as a shock to parents whose child now feels strong enough to express this rage. Punishment may appear to produce "good behavior" in the early years, but always at a high price, paid by parents and by society as a whole, as the child enters adolescence and early adulthood.

8. Spanking on the buttocks, an erogenous zone in childhood, can create in the child's mind an association between pain and sexual pleasure, and lead to difficulties in adulthood.

"Spanking wanted" ads in alternative newspapers attest to the sad consequences of this confusion of pain and pleasure. If a child receives little parental attention except when being punished, this will further merge the concepts of pain and pleasure in the child's mind. A child in this situation will have little self-esteem, believing he deserves nothing better. For more on this topic, see "The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children" (also in French).
Even relatively moderate spanking can be physically dangerous. Blows to the lower end of the spinal column send shock waves along the length of the spine, and may injure the child. The prevalence of lower back pain among adults in our society may well have its origins in childhood punishment. Some children have become paralyzed through nerve damage from spanking, and some have died after mild paddlings, due to undiagnosed medical complications.

9. Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are.

The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life.

10. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems.

If a child does not observe a parent solving problems in a creative and humane way, it can be difficult for him to learn to do this himself. For this reason, unskilled parenting often continues into the next generation.

Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear

This list is from The Natural Child

Friday, January 26, 2007

Spanking vs Parenting

Sally Lieber, the California Assemblywoman who proposed a ban on spanking babies and little children, is a visionary as far as I’m concerned. My only complaints are—the proposed ban doesn’t go far enough, and it will never pass.

It’s illegal to hit your spouse when his actions displease you, the same should hold true for children. You can’t hit your neighbor when he fails to keep up his yard. You can’t hit your mother-in-law for saying nasty things about you. You can’t hit the guy in the other cubicle for yapping all day long on personal calls. There’s a whole bunch of people you can’t hit—except for children.

How does a spanking differ from a slap, a punch, a whuppin’, a beating? Some people don’t know how to distinguish between them. I’ve read about them those cases.

What does hitting a child teach her? How it feels to be powerless? That might equals right? That it's okay to hit others?

Using pain to teach a child is as barbaric as using pain to teach an adult. Floggings for adults has long since been outlawed. Kiddie flogging deserves the same fate.

Hitting is not parenting.

They Call Me Air Mom

The other day I was bemoaning to my 22-year-old how I felt I was lagging a bit in the parenting game now that I going a second round with my 10-year-old nephew.

“Don’t worry, Mom, you’re like Jordan,” my son said. You could almost hear my ego inflate. Air Mom! I would go down in the annals of time as the world’s greatest mom. Unfortunately, the dear child didn’t stop at that.

“Remember,” he continued, “when Jordan came back and played on the Wizards? He was past his prime. Remember when he tried to dunk in the All Stars game and missed?

“What are you trying to say,” I queried?

“Mom, you’re still heck’a good---just don’t try any dunks.”


Monday, January 15, 2007

Senator Boxer Asking the Right Questions

Senator Boxer to Condoleesa Rice regarding sending more troops to Iraq :

Who pays the price? I’m not going to pay a personal price. My kids are too old and my grandchild is too young. You’re not going to pay a particular price, as I understand it, with an immediate family. So who pays the price? The American military and their families. And I just want to bring us back to that fact.

The wacko jackals response: Accuse Senator Boxer of being anti-feminist. Brilliant.

I went to a rough West Oakland elementary school, and believe me I know playground political warfare. Fight with everything you have, especially if you started it and you're losing. Call names, talk about their mamas, twist what they say and throw it back at them. Try to make it look like the other person started the fight so you can claim the high road as the victim. Maintain, quite vocally, that you're not afraid of them, but if you think you're going to get your butt beat—run--backwards without turning around.

There were no cute little Condoleesas at my school. A Tony Snow would have stood out like, well...snow in a town that gets lots of fog but has never seen any of the white stuff. But had they been there, they would have ruled the playground with a viciousness that would have left us breathless.

How dare they and the rest of the White House's wacko jackals attempt to twist Senator Boxer's very legitimate question, “Who pays the price?” into a backhanded slap at the Secretary of State's lifestyle. I know they don't want to go there. I want an answer from the President's Condiment, too, "Who Pays?"

Senator Boxer was not impugning the Secretary of State's life choices. I know that and the wacko jackals know that. Senator Boxer was asking a question that needs to be asked and and that the Secretary and White House needs to answer. A question that needs to be kept front and center.

Who pays the price? Condi doesn't. Bush doesn't. None of the White House's baggy, old, men engorged on baby's blood do. Bush has two children old enough to enlist for service in Iraq. Where are they? The American people must sacrifice—where is his? If Great Britain's Prince Harry can go to Iraq, why can't the Bush princesses?

Weapons of Mass Destruction are in the White House, but they are only effective against the Truth.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

My Hero

That's right Oprah, never, ever forget.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Memo to Prez

So, you want to send more of our children off to war.

I’ll make a deal with you, Mr. Misbegotten President—send me. I’m 58-years-old and raring to go. In knowledge and skill alone, I’m worth at least 500-600 kids. I’m computer literate, a good mediator. And I’m LARGE. After all, it is all somebody being cannon fodder.

Right after 9/11 you called your intended war a “Crusade.” We don’t want a Children’s Crusade. I’m sure you know how many little kids died in the last one?

Tell you what, send the two debutantes, Jenna and Barbara (one of my friends calls them “First Hoochies,” but I would never be so disrespectful.) and I’ll bring my cat, Safronia. Toss in Condi and I’ll pay to go.

What do you say, War Prez? Spit out the baby blood and talk to me.

I Owe My Parenting Prowess to--Justin Timberlake

You heard me right. Justin Timberlake.

Parenting is about power, bending short people of limited seniority to your will. All is fair in WWF and parenting except actual, for real, smack downs.

Intimidation? Manipulation? Payoffs? Whatever it takes. That’s where Timberlake comes in. Enter Timberlake and my 10-year-old folds like a deck of cards. All I have to do is sing these four words, “Um bringing sexy ba-ack…” and the child drops to his knees pleading for me to stop. And he’ll do anything—homework, dishes, cat boxes—to keep me from singing.

Maybe it’s my voice. When my 22-year-old was a mere lad of three he too pleaded that I refrain from singing. He grabbed his crotch and said, “Mommy, please don’t sing. It makes my penis itch!”

My 10-year-old is at the stage where he can’t actually utter the word “sex,” he has to spell it out. I’m sure that has something to do with the power of Timberlake’s lyrics. Then there’s the age factor—I am “heck’a old,” my 10-year-olds words—and a heck’a old woman singing about “s-e-x” is just too much for him to bear—thank goodness.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Baby Male Model

I couldn't resist. An Auntie's pride is too strong.

The Joy and the Agony of Shopping

I've developed a new neurosis. Acquisition Disorder. I've become a shopaholic--but only at places like the Dollar Store. Do you know how much junk you can buy for $50?

I don't even need the stuff, but as with most shopaholics, the stress ratchets up and I go shopping. At least I'm shopping places I can afford. Maybe that's progress.

Say, can anybody use 30 cases of peanut butter flavored doggy treats? How about a couple dozen handometers? I'll let you have them cheap.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Men At Work

Scholars are made, not born.

The Juju Monster and his scholarly idol, Jared (formerlly know as the BonBon Monster)

Bras that Kill

Be afraid.
Be very afraid—if you wear a bra, especially on that is too tight.

Bras can kill. Dr. Elizabeth R. Vaughan, M.D., F.A.A.E.M., is convinced they can.

“It took 30 years of research before the dots were finally connected between tobacco smoke and lung cancer,” says Dr. Vaughn. “In pinning down suspicions about bras and breast cancer, I suspect we're about where we were in 1950 with our suspicions about cigarette smoke and lung cancer.”

Some strong suspicions, Doc. But you may be on to something. A study done by Singer and Grismaijer suggested that women who wear bras 24 hours a day may have more than a 100-fold greater incidence of breast cancer, compared to those who don't wear bras at all.
In their book, DRESSED TO KILL, they explain their theory. I hope you read it. Stop by the Place Where Mother Shops and get a copy. Your breast will thank you.

New Year, Old Friends

We started the year right by running into the Guzman-Canos last week as they celebrated Susie's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Susie is the baby-faced one to the left. Her daughter, Victoria the Beautiful, is to her right. The two men are Papa Raul on the left, and the handsome Alejandro.

Susie insists she's only 21, but I've known her for 30 years, so this birthday must make her 35.

Both kids are students at Sac State. Alejandro and my son, Jared, played soccer together when they were little fellows who only played for the snacks.

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