I Owe My Parenting Prowess to--Justin Timberlake

You heard me right. Justin Timberlake.

Parenting is about power, bending short people of limited seniority to your will. All is fair in WWF and parenting except actual, for real, smack downs.

Intimidation? Manipulation? Payoffs? Whatever it takes. That’s where Timberlake comes in. Enter Timberlake and my 10-year-old folds like a deck of cards. All I have to do is sing these four words, “Um bringing sexy ba-ack…” and the child drops to his knees pleading for me to stop. And he’ll do anything—homework, dishes, cat boxes—to keep me from singing.

Maybe it’s my voice. When my 22-year-old was a mere lad of three he too pleaded that I refrain from singing. He grabbed his crotch and said, “Mommy, please don’t sing. It makes my penis itch!”

My 10-year-old is at the stage where he can’t actually utter the word “sex,” he has to spell it out. I’m sure that has something to do with the power of Timberlake’s lyrics. Then there’s the age factor—I am “heck’a old,” my 10-year-olds words—and a heck’a old woman singing about “s-e-x” is just too much for him to bear—thank goodness.