Memo to Prez

So, you want to send more of our children off to war.

I’ll make a deal with you, Mr. Misbegotten President—send me. I’m 58-years-old and raring to go. In knowledge and skill alone, I’m worth at least 500-600 kids. I’m computer literate, a good mediator. And I’m LARGE. After all, it is all somebody being cannon fodder.

Right after 9/11 you called your intended war a “Crusade.” We don’t want a Children’s Crusade. I’m sure you know how many little kids died in the last one?

Tell you what, send the two debutantes, Jenna and Barbara (one of my friends calls them “First Hoochies,” but I would never be so disrespectful.) and I’ll bring my cat, Safronia. Toss in Condi and I’ll pay to go.

What do you say, War Prez? Spit out the baby blood and talk to me.