Chittlin's and Chopsticks

Writer and mother, Terris McMahan Grimes, the Mother From Another Continent, an her friends share their slighty off kilter parenting views and their takes on a whole lot of other things.

Monday, February 05, 2007

US Dept of Defense Training Infants for Covert Action in Iraq

"We've been called up!"

Remember folks, you read it here first. The US is training infants, too young to talk, for covert action in Iraq and possibly Iran.

A high level Department of Defense official, who declined to be identified for the record, said small troops of babies are being trained for deployment at secret locations through out Iraq. My source declined to state what branch of military service the babies will serve in, although he did raise a brow when I mentioned the Marines.

What the babies mission will be, or exactly how they would communicate with their commanders is yet to be determined. My source alluded to babies being taught sign language. He also said biofeedback is being used to teach them to change the color of their poop. However, he was uncertain how that skill will be used.

According to my source, little known language in the Homeland Security Act allows parents to sign up their infants for military service. Parents who enlist their babies receive a free, lifetime, supply of disposable diapers. My source called this “a win-win kind of thing,” stating, “If the babies survive their mission, they will need the diapers when we return them to their parents. If they don't survive, the parents will likely need them.”

You can enlist your infant in the military by going to: Scroll to the bottom of the page and click on the link that reads, “Department of Defense Login”. Be sure to tell them I referred you. I get ten points for each referral. I'm trying to win a trip to Disneyland and that takes 10,000 points.

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At 2/06/2007 7:42 AM , Blogger NtycnBoricua said...

Oh my, too funny. Good luck winning that trip to Disneyland. ;)

At 2/06/2007 10:05 AM , Blogger Surviving Motherhood said...

after the whiging and whining that today entailed they can take mine! And the Husband too...big babies count too right?

At 2/06/2007 10:14 AM , Blogger Mother From Another Continent said...

Great, more referrals!

Husbands count. To determine how much they count, simply divide his weight by the number of children you have, subtract 13.7764, multiply by the number of centimeters you dilated during the 4th hour of your first pregnancy and divide, divide by .9876 and you'll have your answer

At 2/09/2007 7:30 AM , Anonymous Liza said...

That might be the funniest thing I've seen all week. Who knew Baby Sign had DOD applications?

At 2/15/2007 12:37 PM , Blogger Mother From Another Continent said...

Thanks, Lisa. Yes, who knew!


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