Chittlin's and Chopsticks

Writer and mother, Terris McMahan Grimes, the Mother From Another Continent, an her friends share their slighty off kilter parenting views and their takes on a whole lot of other things.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

How to Spank Your Child in a Loving and Nurturing Manner


Parental Obligation
It is a parent's right--no, it is the parent's duty to spank her child when she needs it. If more parents spanked their children the prisons wouldn't be as full as they are, homeless people wouldn't be sleeping on the streets, and cities wouldn't have problems with littering.

Discipline and Dictionary
There are those who will argue that spanking means hitting. Don't listen to them. If you lived your life by dictionaries and thesaures your child would go undisciplined. So Let them call it what they may--hit, bat, belt, cane, cuff, drub, lash, lick, pommell, thump, trounce, wallop, whale, or the African American special--whup. There are just as many definitions for brat. Besides, dictionaries and thesaures make excellent spanking tools--as long as they are abridged.

Switch to Switches
Now, where should a spanking be applied? When using small, immature tree limbs, or switches, one should aim for the legs. Should you prefer having your child disrobe for a spanking try to avoid striking her genitals or eyes.

Nothing But Buttocks
I prefer the buttocks for applying a good, resounding spanking, one the child is most likely to remember. The buttucks are also a bit more fleshy than the legs or head, and are therefore more likely to produce a clean, sharp, spanking sound when struck smartly.

Leather for Learning
You may want to consider using a leather belt for the most recalcitrant child. The sight of the belt may induce the child to flee dispite your repeated warnings not to. This reaction can be extinguished by counting each strike administered with the belt and applying double the amount for running.

When you must spank a child using a leather belt it is best to have your other children line up and watch. This can be a very effective deterrent.

Errogenous Zone
We must face the fact that the buttock area is an erogenous zone. So that there is no misunderstanding about gratification make sure to tell your child, "This hurts me more than you."

Extension Cords, Computer Cables, and Jump Ropes
I hesitate to recommend extension cords, computer cables, and jump ropes for spanking. They should be used in only the most extreme cases such as when you live in a deforested area and switches are unavailable, when you can not find your belt, or when the child you are attempting to spank is only a few weeks short of his majority.

And remember, whenever you spank your child do it with love and in a nurturing manner.

100 Comments:

At 2/01/2007 4:42 PM , Blogger krospa said...

Hi! I'm not sure I got you. In one post you say that you should never spank children, but here you say it's necessary...So what do you really think? I have to say that I was punished as a child and I have my own opinion. Where you beaten as a child? Did you raised your children using corporal punishment?

 
At 2/01/2007 6:31 PM , Blogger Mother From Another Continent said...

Krospa, I'm afraid I'm guilty of unsuccessful satire if my post left you confused.

As to whether I was beaten as a child, the answer is I was reared by parents from the deep South who who loved their children profoundly, but who were still struggling with the legacy of slavery.

I did not beat my children because they were just too cute to hit.

Tell me about your childhood. How do you feel about the way you were disciplined?

2/01/2007 6:24 PM

 
At 2/16/2007 8:45 PM , Anonymous Kim said...

I wish my stepmom had read your comment about avoiding the genitals if you prefer to spank your child undressed. A typical spanking in our house meant having to strip naked, lay on the bed, and have your bottom whipped with the strap. Then she would make us turn over and spread our legs apart, and whip our genitals with the strap. You wouldn't believe how much that hurt.

 
At 2/16/2007 10:20 PM , Blogger Mother From Another Continent said...

Kim, I'm sorry to hear how you suffered. How are you doing now?

 
At 4/23/2007 4:12 PM , Blogger krospa said...

Hi! Sorry for not answering in until now.

Well, in that time I wasn't happy to be so good friend with my dad's belt, but I have to say that all the beatings I received were well deserved and have made me a good woman with principles and discipline. We may discuss if its better to use a belt or just the hand or whatever, but I think that the spankings got the point quite clear to me and I guess that I was too rebel to just have a grounding...

And to follow the sharing of experiences...when you say that you were struggling with slavery, I guess it means that you were spanked...I don't think that your parents hit you as you describe in any of the parts of this post, so How was it like? Did they use any implement? Was is as in the slaves movies...tied to a tree with your back naked and a whip??? (I'm exagerating a bit, but it may have been lying in the bed with your pants down and a belt in your behind as I was...) What was your reaction after the spanking? Did it have an effect on your behaviour?

 
At 4/23/2007 5:58 PM , Blogger Mother said...

Well howdy, Krospa, and welcome back.

You sound like you turned out quite well and I congratulate you.

Spanking is a nebulous word. As it is used it can mean anything from smacking the top of a hand, a swat on the behind, to a beating with fist, feet, etc. I prefer to use the word hit. It is pretty straight forward and has a certian neutrality. We can qualify it by discussing how hard we were hit, where and with what we were hit, and why. Okay?

Statistics will show that African American parents hit their children more than others. I believe it is something that we internalize from slavery, but that is just my opinion--I haven't researched it.

My father did not hit us, unless my mother insisted. My mother was the designated family hitter. I was a child who would do anything to please. My mother was pleased by very little. And when she was displeased she hit us, that is she slapped us, bumped our heads against walls, took extension cords and whipped us, etc.

I was reared Catholic so I was taught to suffer. I was also the oldest and I tried to protect my younger brothers and sisters. As for the type of person I've become, you'll have to relie on my writing to tell.

 
At 2/07/2008 12:40 PM , Anonymous Rosline said...

I have an 8-year old and ten-year old.
Each spanking begins in the same way, the offending child is taken to their room and told they are going to get a spanking, and what it is for. I then ask them to lie across my lap, where I completely remove the pants and underpants, so they are half naked. I then spank them smartly across the behind until it is red(ish). If we have no guests, they come down to the Livingroom and are asked to stand in the corner with their pants and underpants down. This shows the other one what will happen if they miss behave - I love my children very much and we are a genuinally happy family, once one offence is commited, It wont happen again :D

Thanks

 
At 2/09/2008 2:45 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rosline, thats terrible! I was spanked when I was a child from about age 6 to age 14 - I was routinely taken to the living-room, undressed to my underpants and was told I was going to get a spanking.
I had to wait their while my dad fetched a "switch" when he came back He would pull down my underpants and pull me over his knee, and beat my bare-bottom until I was literally crying in pain, he would then call me a baby and tell me to get up and stand in the corner naked - The final shame was having to apologise to my two brothers and sister, whilst still naked!

 
At 4/13/2008 8:08 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spanking can be a very effective way to discipline if used properly.only on the tush.no matter the age.my husband also gets his tush tanned when needed.

 
At 4/16/2008 11:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you are sick people who need professional help!!! I am trying to get my friend to stop spanking that is why I did this search. I think from what I have heard this is child abuse and I hope someone calls the police on you!!!! This is terrible!

 
At 4/17/2008 7:01 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5/28/2008 3:13 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that Rosline and that other woman who spanks her husband are sick. My parents spanked me too but rarely bare butt and I didn't stand in a corner afterwards. As far as spanking your husband you must really not like his lack of masculinity. I find women like that are sick, selfish people who get off on control. Strange thing is what they want more than anything is a strong male. Just to clarify I do not condone a husband spanking his wife either.

 
At 6/28/2008 10:29 AM , Blogger happy_tap_dancer said...

I believe in spanking... I really do, the harder you get it, the faster you learn it. I am on my own in an appartement right now, and sometimes when I do something wrong, I still wish that someone will spank me hard so that I can stop it! but hey, I'm too old for that now!! even though I'm only 23! for kids is there any age that you should stop spanking?

 
At 6/28/2008 10:34 AM , Blogger happy_tap_dancer said...

I feel like this is now an abuse, I mean if you just receive one little spank will you really stop it? I believe not! it should be bare bottom until its red(ish)

 
At 6/28/2008 10:34 AM , Blogger happy_tap_dancer said...

this is NOT an abuse.. I ment

 
At 6/30/2008 3:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 7/02/2008 2:16 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to know, do you think that in the adult hood we should be spanked? I'm not talking about sex and all, just a for of dissipline, like lets want to say that I want to give up swearing all the time, is there anything we can do about it? Is there a place that you can go and get the dissipline?(I live in montreal by the way...)

 
At 9/06/2008 10:20 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe in spanking. not too often, but when needed it should be administered firmly and strictly. i remember my mom when she got upset and i knew whats coming i started begging no! no! but then my mom explained she had no way to reason with me. i was led firmly to the family room she undid the front of my trousers and down it went then my underpants and she placed my poor bare tush over the table and you could probably imagine what color my tush was when she finished but im really thankful because she really taught me good from bad

 
At 9/07/2008 9:30 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I still dont know why kids are getting spanked, and not when they are still adults... I have never been spanked, but why does everyone think that getting spanked when youre an adult is sexual? I dont believe getting spanked on your bare bottom should be fun, it hurts and people cry because it hurts that much... I do wish that someone could spank me for good, it would have prevent me from doing bad things... I do believe in spanking, but regardless to some people, I believe that it should continue even if you are an adult.

 
At 10/29/2008 11:34 AM , Blogger Alex said...

Well quite a heated debate! to spank or not to spank? the truth is that both altertive forms of discipline and proper spanking work, and of course improper spanking is abuse! Spanking is serious and intense but that does not mean that it has to be either brutal or sadistic! No belts or whips especially where very little children are concerned it should be done bare bottomed and over your lap as this allows for very careful control of the situation, you should never swat a small child hard not even just once as this can affect many parts of the body, instead allow many light to medium strikes to build up a momentum until eventually the little bottom turns reddish and the tears begin, about this time you might ask the little one if he or she is going to commit this offence again? but do make sure she/he understands you and do give the child fair time to answer they will usually promise not to do whatever it was? again! Do not continue to paddle a child who is already showing a good account of reddish butt cheeks or tears, only this is unfairness or abuse, say something to him/her like "You're done!" and tenderly help the child tenderly put their underpants back on, and don't act dissapointed or angry or even sad with him or her, if the child is anywhere near normal she or he will even feel better than before soon after a good spanking, now that is not a bad thing, it's as if all the childs frustrastions were building up to it! The child can now feel more calm and listen better and think more clearly! sounds strange?! Well it shouldn't, a childs bare botton is designed to be lovingly spanked! it's only those who choose to be brutal or who don't do it at all that cause all the problems in the world

 
At 1/18/2009 11:33 PM , Blogger Terry said...

I agree completely, what all those who think spanking is so terrible don't get is that there is much more to spanking the little bottom then the tears at the moment, I have observed how both acupuncture and reflexology work, there is a correlation! it's sad to think that some believe spanking is only or mostly about for the pain, they probably never had a good one when they were little, by good I mean fair! It can as you say calm a frustrated child and I am convinced that if it is carefully lovingly done it is very natural and good for them in the long term and soon after the tears subside,it has been a common childhood treatment since long before recorded history, If not done to excess it works on the child's mind, bottom and spirit in mysterious and loving ways, I also think and child should be hugged and spoken to tenderly after it has been done!

 
At 2/25/2009 2:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is sick

 
At 3/04/2009 6:11 AM , Blogger Terry said...

is that children there now run Of course a few of the above posters were abused as children and that is not right but do you want to raise your kids to be sissies in a tough competitive world? A good spanking when they are little is nothing compared to all the challenges they will face and the punishments they can also face if they do run afoul of the law! In Sweden they banned spanking in 1979. the true result wild through the schools accountable to neither parent nor teacher! the few children who do want to learn must now tolerate this constant disruption and total disrespect, I would call that a failure! You can try alternatives and yet it denies the last alternative of all, that an out of control childs bare bottom aught to be spanked! Obviously you need to show compassion and common sense, a three year old girl does not need to get the paddleboard but an eight year old boy might? Children who only experience timeouts, grounding etc, as punishments grow up to be confused and frustrated adults, children want to be spanked, they don't want to be abused, there is a vast difference!

 
At 5/29/2009 12:13 AM , Anonymous Marvin said...

Hi everyone, hope this is useful? you can buy little cutting boards from certain dollar or bargain stores for a buck or two, I've purchased a smooth hard wood one as well as a strong little white plastic one, they have short handles and make perfect little paddles for children of about middle years!
We believe in bare bottom spankings, our youngest age three we only use open hand on her and at that age she needs a lot of them! her sister now aged seven does get the little paddle, our son at thirteen his spanking days are about over from the receiving end, he now sometimes paddles his little sisters with our supervision if the offense was against him! There are those who say that this is abuse if done to an adult but they are not adults that's the whole point, you see wound up toddlers bouncing off the walls challenging you, making many incorrect choices which if left unchecked will lead them and/or others into complete disaster, they need to learn that grownups and those much older then them are in charge and not little kids! spanking which is firm but fair is the best way to teach them that, we also never tell them that they are bad! some of the choices are bad the kids are always good!
It's also abuse to spank a child for bedwetting or masturbation as these are conditions beyond the childs control! some of what's old was right! some of what's old is wrong! some of what's new is right! some of what's new is wrong! don't throw out an otherwise good set, just the bad pieces!

 
At 8/06/2009 6:06 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with parents who spank. My older sister, younger brother and I were raised by parents who spanked, and my sister currently spanks her child when he needs it. When we were young (under 10), it was over the knee, with our pants up and we got three firm (not hard, but firm) swats from mama or daddy's hand. By the time we reached 10, daddy started using a belt, still over clothing. Believe me, my dad could get his message across through a pair of jeans just fine. All three of us grew up to be happy, well-adjusted adults. Even though we're all grown (my sister is 34, I'm 31 and my bro is 29), "sir" and "ma'am" are still frequent words out of our mouths aorund my parents, we'd never think of speaking disrespectuflly to them, never been in trouble with the law, never been on drugs, etc.

There was a comment here about adults being spanked and how it shouldn't be a sexual thing. I have to agree. I've never understood why adults think it's a "turn on" to spank or be spanked. My dad at one time or another has threatened to re-introduce my siblings and myself to his belt when we were doing stuff we KNEW we should do, and we were well over 18 yrs old by then. He's never had to carry out such a threat, but I believe he would if we pushed him that far. Normally though, just knowing we went far enough to cause him to make the threat gets us back in line quickly. My brother was about 25 and still living at home -- subject to the rules and consequences dad set down -- when he got threatened with a spanking and he told our dad he was "too old" to be spanked....daddy told him "not if you're acting 12". I've been threatened more than once with a spanking, and believe me, there was NO sexual thoughts that came to mind following said threat.

 
At 8/23/2009 11:03 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why! to a child who has errored badly lovingly spanking the bare bottom with the subsequent tears is a great purge and a relief to the child who has sinned and I do not mean those statements in a religious sense at all, some parents worry that there can be a sexual aspect to spanking in some cases but that in and of itself really shouldn't matter in the slightest and is absolutely nothing for adults or children to worry about or feel ashamed of, especially with the child who has been sensibly taught masturbation is fine but it must be done in private, likewise there is no need for feeling shame after any arousal connected with spanking, the sexual aspect being just a fact of the bottom being connected to the spine and the sex organs, it does not matter in the least if a child would become aroused after a spanking just so long as it was not given for that reason and there must be some few but real tears with a real class spanking! I read a post on another site that exclaimed about some kids spending time on a farm who were torturing some kittens! a boy seven and his niece a few months younger, the boy apparently become very excited at having to witness his nieces spanking and then it was his turn but much harder! it didn't cancel out the intention of the spankings at all, they both never tortured any animals again!

 
At 9/21/2009 3:56 AM , Anonymous Marvin said...

Hi again, I just wanted to tell you our four year old had a perfect spanking timeout when it had to be done a few days ago!
It happened like this, It was getting late, after dinner and more or less dark out, she got it into her head that she wanted to go down the stairs into the driveway and was the car!
"No" I told her, "It's dark out and we do not wash the car at night, and the car does not need washing it was washed today already" As I would not let her go outside into the night she threw a tantrum "IWANNAWASDACAR" "WAAAAH"
and on and on, she ran and told Mom the same thing!
I gave her another chance, I offered to show her one of her many cartoon videos "DONWANNACUHTOONS" "IWANNAWASHDAHCAH" "WAAAAH" as she pushed me away and ran towards the door sponge in hand!
I caught her just as she got there and gently picked her up (We NEVER handle her in anger!)
was she bored angry and frustrated? of course, and the cure? she was still kicking and screaming as I took her into our room to the bed it had been almost two months since she had one!
I sat on the edge of the bed and stood her in front of me, gently peeled her down bare like a little banana "You know what happens NOW don't you?" I told her! without waiting for her answer I placed her full length across the mattress across my lap, no need for a hairbrush, spoon, or any such thing, she's too little and soft for any need of that!
"Oooooooh" she babbled as she no doubt started to remember what used to happen to her little bare bottom when she behaved so badly when what to her no doubt was a long time ago!
then the little paddlings came, nothing real hard, we believe in being very careful in correcting children, especially toddlers! after some 50 or so her little pink bottom was turning hot pinkish and the tears were no longer about not being allowed to wash the car at night, as she had been desperately trying to shield her little bottom with her hand for the last 6 spanks I decided that that was enough with the last one being just slightly harder the the others to be well remembered by! "O.K." I told her as I stopped "You're all done, Daddy no more spank (no name) bumbum!
a half hour later it was all forgiven and all forgotten and she was a happier little girl then we had seen for a long time, it was as if all her 3/4 year old frustrations had been building up a momentum for weeks to the eventual spanking, believe me, if you love your out of control frustrated little toddlers who act this way you spank on their little bottoms for them as those of ancient wisdom all knew!

 
At 3/13/2010 4:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wouldnt spank a child using an extension cord. Is there any videos of children being spanked.

 
At 6/26/2010 4:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would only spank a child when they are really bad

 
At 8/02/2010 2:31 PM , Blogger PJ said...

However you dress it up, violence against a child is sick.

And if it would get you arrested for doing it to an adult, then, again however you dress it up, it's violence.

If you can't discipline your child without resorting to violence, DON'T HAVE A CHILD.

Period.

 
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At 7/07/2011 9:33 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Next blog: how to punch your child in a loving and nurturing manner.

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